Mixed feelings….

The 20th of January marks the 1st anniversary of my mother’s death and I’m not sure how I feel about this. 

Before people judge me, please understand….this woman gave up parental rights to me when I was 3 years old and I had no contact with her until I was an adult, and this was after she eventually sort it. I had to say that I didn’t want contact. In my defence I had grown up without her and felt she had abandoned me and I couldn’t understand why she sought tye contact when she’d wanted nothing for years. 

I guess I’m thinking of her more now I have my own little one and can’t understand why she didn’t want me? 

I thought I’d made peace with the decisions that had been made over the years.  It’s not like I want a mother figure, maybe it’s just an understanding that I will never get now. 

My dad deserves the recognition of raising me because I think he did a brilliant job!!! He raised me within a loving family and instilled values in me that I intend to pass on to my son! 

My hubby and myself will always make sure that our Eddie will know he is loved and wanted at all times. Something my hubby and myself haven’t always known  due to parents splitting up.

It’s almost as if I’m mourning the knowledge I won’t have instead of the woman herself? 

I don’t know,things still aren’t clearer


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