I’m sat here watching call the midwife and it strikes more how very very lucky I am! I watch those ‘giving birth’, ‘keeping and losing babies’, and i know how lucky i am.
I see how much my (not so little) baby has grown and learnt and come into his own cheeky personality and my heart explodes with love and gratitude and so many things. The tests and heartache and operations and samples we want through to get him and I know we are some of the lucky ones.
Having something wrong is hard on every aspect of who you are and what you do. (I have PCOS and my husband has a low sperm count.) It’s soul destroying to know the one thing you want most could be the one thing you could never have. And you see so many people who have children and don’t appreciate how lucky they are and you see the ones who know how lucky they are. And it can be all you see. I found that even strong focus and distraction doesn’t always work, not when there is a small amount of hope. And that hope is always there even in the blackest of days and darkest of nights. Even those times when you dont know if you can carry on, but you do carry on because that’s what we do.
We live, we endure, we love, we laugh, we cry and we survive because we are amazing people.
We have friends who are trying to get IVF treatment and have had to make the difficult decision of going abroad to get the help that the NHS can’t or won’t give. I really gel for them and wish include wave a magic wand to help but I can’t. I can only offer some advice and a shoulder to cry on and get to give hope. Some days I feel like i fail, like I’m rubbing it in that our help worked. But sometimes I hope it’s more inspiration that it can work…i really hope oy works for them, they would make great parents!
I seem to find that something like this either makes or breaks a relationship. I am lucky, it was very hard but we came through it stronger.
My little cheeky boy 😀